Daily Musings #6: On resting and recovering

It’s 3:30 am and I haven’t been able to sleep all night. It’s been 3 weeks now that I have been nursing my leg injury. It’s almost healed. There are still some traces of swelling on my leg. Maybe tomorrow, I will try and go for a short walk. Being confined to my apartment has been tougher than the physical pain. It’s tougher now when my leg has almost healed.

A week ago my brother and sister-in-law were here, so I was busy with them. Despite my leg injury, I went out with them for some work. It didn’t involve too much walking, so it was okay. Despite the hectic activity, I felt that my leg healed faster while they were here. I think it makes a difference when you are focusing on other things than just physical pain.

Last week was difficult as I had bad headaches for most of the days. I couldn’t sleep well at night. I had hoped to complete some of my pending assignments but it didn’t happen. I somehow pushed myself to paint something to get out of the lethargic mode. It worked and helped me feel more positive about my situation. However, I did realize that I couldn’t sit for longer than an hour as my leg would become worse.

This week I am feeling much better but I have realized that lack of exercise is now affecting my physical and mental health. I have put on a bit of weight, probably all of the weight I had lost in the last 3 months. My sleep cycle is disturbed too. I am sleeping after I take the meds, which is 3 times a day. Once the effect wears off, I remain wide awake, like right now.

I really am missing my early morning swimming sessions. Three months of swimming helped me so much in every way. I had lost weight, and my food habit was in control. My days started on a positive note and got structured. I started sleeping well. I felt more excited about and focused on my work.

During such times, I try to use my learnings from Vipassana meditation. I am trying to remain observant about how my mind behaves. I try to push myself to not give in to habits that don’t serve me well. But I am also aware that I can’t push myself too much. That I should rest and recuperate so that I can emerge stronger from the situation I find myself in.

I think I will stop here. Maybe I will paint something this morning or read something now. What did you think about my post? Do you have a similar experience?

Daily Musings #5: Listening to self and finding focus

Today, I woke up early at 3:30 am. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t so decided to write this post. I usually like writing early in the morning or dead of the night. The quietness at these times helps me listen to myself. I think listening to ourselves is a luxury these days. The entire day we are engaged in listening to others or trying to tell ourselves that listening to others is important.

As soon as we wake up we open our social media accounts to see what others are saying. We are worried if we have missed out on catching the latest trends. The “fear of missing out” or FOMO is a persistent voice in our heads. Sometimes we do this because we are not happy with the version of events in our own life. Right now, this is true for me. I am really not happy with laying in bed with an injured leg. So, scrolling through social media accounts makes me feel connected. But do I really feel connected?

I find it more satisfying to use this time to listen to myself. Of things that I need to do to reach my highest self. This is the thought that plagues me the most. My mind I feel consists of various thoughts and experiences. Not all of them are useful to me. Once I get entangled in those extraneous thoughts, I tend to venture far away from where I feel I should be. I always feel that meditative practices such as sitting in meditation and observing my thoughts help me bring closer to myself.

I use this technique of focussing on my breath in most activities I do. Whether it is a physical task such as swimming, running, exercising, or mental tasks such as making a mandala or painting, reading, and writing. I feel when I focus on my breath everything seems a bit easier. My mind becomes calmer and more focused on the task at hand. I seem to enjoy what I am doing.

Have you ever tried focusing on your breath when you are in a stressful situation? I feel it works wonderfully to calm myself down and it alleviates those overwhelming feelings that crowd your mind. Often I think the main challenge is to be self-aware so that I can remind myself to breathe. So, I listen to soft music on YouTube, which I think evens out my breathing and helps me focus.

Let me know how you liked this post and if you have used a similar strategy to find focus…

Daily Musings #2: On being vulnerable and letting go

So, I have decided to write every day on my blog for the next 30 days. It’s a thought that occurred to me today and I felt that I should do it. This is how I have been cultivating new habits ever since I started my minimalistic and mindfulness journey a few years ago. It was going for the Vipassana meditation retreat that brought me to minimalism and mindfulness as a way of living. Since then, I have really enjoyed my living my life. I wouldn’t deny that there have been no episodes of challenging circumstances that have made me feel overwhelmed or helpless or worthless but I have managed to look them in the eye and overcome them. That’s what life is all about overcoming challenges to the best of our ability.

This morning when I woke up, my leg was still swollen and I could feel the pain. But I felt optimistic and energetic. I think swimming every morning for the past few months is really helping me feel energetic and positive in the mornings even on days I don’t swim. I am beginning to feel the effect of a strong body on my mind. Although I want to write about my swimming experiences, in this post I want to focus on today.

Since I realized this morning that I need to rest my leg today so that it can heal faster, I decided to read a book. I felt like reading a book that would take me on a journey of Camino de Santiago. A few years ago, I read a travelogue by a woman who wrote about her experiences on the Camino. Ever since I have wanted to read more about it and maybe someday be lucky enough to go through that journey myself. This morning I found a lovely book to read.

“Keep Walking: Your heart will catch up” is an intimate account of the Camino de Santiago Journey by Cathay de Reta. What impressed me most was that she took on this arduous journey at 64 years of age. Despite her struggles with her legs and hardships along the way, she continued and managed to walk 253 miles in 30 days. As someone who just turned 50, it really gave me something to look forward to. It also made me forget about my pain and why I was lying in bed for most of the day.

By evening, I felt that the swelling in my leg has reduced quite a bit. I also slept on time, but then I woke up in the middle of the night. Perhaps it’s a sign that my leg is healing. I am now able to fold my leg a bit. I am not complaining about waking up, because I am able to finish the last chapter. It’s a beautiful book. I really connected with her insights about being vulnerable and opening up to life’s experiences.

I feel that by being vulnerable, we are able to experience our strength. This insight came to me when I was painting a rose. As I began to meditate on the nature of the rose, it made me realize that rose is so delicate, yet so firm. Despite its soft vulnerable self, it stands out among the thorny bushes. Even though we are drawn to the delicate nature of the roses, we fear experiencing the same vulnerability within ourselves.

Another insight that I connected to was “letting go”. I always feel that it is only by letting go that we can experience our most “authentic self”. Yet we continue to accumulate thoughts and experiences that don’t serve us well. I think meditation really teaches us to not get stuck in thoughts and experiences but to remain observant and evolve.

I think I will end here. It was supposed to be a short post but it has evolved. I think I am going to enjoy writing for the next 30 days. Let me know if you enjoyed this post and what you liked about it.

Daily musings: Life is a joyful journey if we are adaptable to it

I sprained my leg this morning while swimming. I never thought that could happen, but it did. Life has a way of surprising you like this. Ever since I came back from my swim, I have been lying in bed except for a visit to the doctor and cooking my meals. It was good that I had some leftovers in the refrigerator from yesterday’s dinner. I also did my grocery shopping yesterday so I am pretty stocked up on supplies. Not that it matters, because I can get everything home-delivered.

Even though I didn’t have coffee today and took the meds, I couldn’t sleep at all today. I tried sitting on my desk to work or paint but couldn’t even manage that. Usually, I watch Netflix when I feel sick, but I am just bored with the content they have. I tried watching YouTube but there’s only depressing news there. I did enjoy listening to the union transport minister talk about his futuristic ideas for transforming India’s transportation and making it more environement-friendly. I always like to listen to ideas of transformation.

Eventually, I started reading Grant McCracken’s “Return of the Artisan: How America went from Industrial to Handmade”. I felt like I was reading after a while. In the past year, as I began painting, I just couldn’t keep up with my reading and writing habit. No matter, how many times I would sit at my desk to write something, I just couldn’t write. The words wouldn’t flow. I had the same issue with reading. I would start reading but would feel distracted. I barely managed to do work when I had to.

But when I would sit down to make a mandala or paint, I could go on for hours. I would even forget to have my meals. Many times, I had to reheat my coffee and/or tea because I would forget about it. It just brought so much joy to me that it’s unbelievable. It’s as if my brain craved this artistic endeavor. So, this last year, I have mostly painted my heart out, hoping that someday I will be able to get back to reading and writing with the same fervor as before.

Since last week, I feel like I am getting back to my normal self. I have begun to enjoy reading and writing. I have begun to read articles related to work. However, I am going to continue with my art practice too. I think it is a gift that I received during the lockdown, which helped me survive it. Throughout the multiple lockdowns, since I started painting, I would wake up every morning wanting to paint. I just felt grateful to be able to paint.

But a few months ago, I needed to prioritize my health, so I replaced my morning painting practice with meditation and swimming. While I have become fairly regular with swimming, I have yet to be regular with my meditation practice. The days I am able to meditate go really well.

I think life is a journey and we must be adaptable to the situations we come across to the best of our ability. It is not about what life gives us but how we respond to it that determines our life path. Yet we tend to focus on events rather than thinking creatively to solve the challenges that come our way.

Hope you enjoy reading this snippet of my life journey… I would love to read if you have something to share about life that surprised you…

Finding a creative habit can be healing

Yesterday, as I was organizing my apartment, the curtain rod fell. I managed to fix it temporarily with a scotch tape. But I know I need to get it fixed properly. Even the one I was living in previously, had the same issue. Except for this, my days have been pretty productive in terms of cleaning and organizing.

As I was organizing, I thought about the day when I started with my minimalism journey. I had put all my clothes in a pile on my bed. I was surprised with the amount of clothes I had which I could not use. I had bought them at some point thinking I will use them, but really I never found any use for them. In fact, they were some of the most expensive items of clothing in my wardrobe. It made me think about my shopping patterns and what motivates me to buy so many clothes. Since then, I have been shopping much less.

While organizing clothing helped me understand how I use my space and what do I fill it with, it also made me understand the concept of time and how I use it. Just as it is important to clean up junk from your space and organize it, similarly it is important to clean up your schedule and organize it for higher productivity.

In the past year, ever since I started with my mandala and art journey, I feel that I have begun to learn to use time more effectively. Making mandala or an art work every day, has made me understand how much time I used to spend thinking or lazing around. But now, I have learned to keep pushing myself to do something. Keeping my brain active and engaged in a joyful activity is very healing.

In the past year, there have been many days that I have woke up at 4 or 5 am to work on my art projects. I didn’t have to use an alarm or to force myself to wake up, but I have just gotten up because I have wanted to. Although there are many areas of my life, I still need to work on, I feel that finding a creative habit is helping heal myself of the barriers that were preventing me from working on those areas.

Do you think having a creative habit help us heal and solve complex issues of our lives? Have you had any such experiences?

Overcoming doubts is the first step to achieve success

Today, didn’t go as planned. I woke up early hoping to go for a walk, but decided to sit down and paint instead. However, I started experiencing back spasms. That’s when I decided that it is better to go for a walk and get some physical exercise.

I don’t particularly enjoy walking on the streets of Mumbai. They are not particularly clean and you can confront all sorts of smells emanating out of garbage on the streets especially in the monsoon season.

But then I went for a walk. I was glad that I did. It felt good to be out and embrace the outdoors for whatever they are. I reminded myself that I need to be grateful for what I am experiencing right now.

Although I am still suffering from back spasms, I am glad that I was able to for my walk and get some painting done today, even if it meant making a mini-painting. Somedays, I am grateful to get even a little bit in.

Sometimes, simple tasks of life can seem challenging. When I start a painting, I am always inspired and intimidated at the same time. I want to paint it, but I am also scared if the outcome will be good. But when I go past the feelings of doubts and uncertainties, I begin to enjoy the process. Once that happens, the outcome is usually good.

That makes me think that it is usually the imagination of the outcome that prevents us from starting and continuing with something. Instead if we focus on the activity, we will feel happy. Outcome is important, but more important is our ability to enjoy the process, to learn to let go of the feelings of doubts.

I think it is important to remind ourselves that to begin any task we need a positive mindset. That we need to focus on the task, rather than get worried about outcome. Sometimes, our efforts are important than the outcome. It is impossible to achieve the outcome without making any efforts.

Rather than thinking, what is the point, it is better to think, there is a point.

Are there any areas in your life, where you feel stuck because you are unable to move past the feelings of doubts and uncertainties?

How to create a joyful life?

Today, I made two watercolor paintings. The first one is about painting trees and reflections in the water, the second is about the colorful trees of Autumn season.

Although I don’t experience the Fall season in Mumbai, I have fond memories of it from my time in the US. I still remember the first time when I experienced it. I had gone for a walk to the nearby lake in the city of Greenbelt in Maryland, when I noticed that the trees had changed colors and the dried leaves had fallen on the ground. I was mesmerized, so awestruck that I felt that I have been transported into a fairyland. As I walked, the sound the leaves crushed by my shoes added to the whole mystical feel.

This is what art does for me these days. As I create scenes, sometimes, I am reminded of beautiful memories from the past and at times, I hope that someday I will witness such a scene. Both these situations fill me with joy. But most importantly, it is the selection and use of colors that is most joyful.

So, today, my day was joyful because of the two paintings. When I share my paintings and people like it, it further fills me with joy. Recently, I have come to realise that to create a joyful life, we must do what fills us with joy and what gives joy to others. Although I live by myself, I feel grateful to be able to share my joy with others through social media.

So, what brings joy to you?

How making mandalas helped me survive COVID lockdowns?

Today, after a long time I feel like writing my thoughts. I have always found comfort in writing but during COVID lockdowns, there was a time that I didn’t want to look at my laptop, not even to write. There were times, I would sit down with a blank writing pad in front of me with pen in hand, but thoughts won’t flow. It was as if my mind was stuck and my thoughts were jammed right inside. No matter how hard I tried to come out of it, I just couldn’t sit down and write.

If there were thoughts, I would shoot them down as not worth writing about. That’s when I knew that I am feeling stuck in a thought pattern, that I need to get out of it. Fortunately, for me there was an art store nearby. It was the first shop to open after the lockdown was removed. So, I went and bought a sketchbook, a set of paints and few brushes. Thus, began a journey of finding myself through art.

Art has been a saviour for me in this lockdown. In the past few months since I started my art journey, I have been making an artwork almost everyday. I wake up in the morning and start thinking about what to make that day. It definitely helps me disconnect with my immediate reality, which doesn’t seem very exciting any more. The lockdown situation due to COVID has made us confront our life realities in a very different manner. First of all, it has forced us to stay in the same place day in and day out and follow a routine.

While I love routines, I find it rather boring to confine my life to routines. But this mundane aspect of my life has been quite comforting in post-COVID world. Because there are some aspects of our lives that perhaps even COVID has not been able to disturb. For example, waking up and having a morning coffee. To be honest, I have never really been a morning coffee person. I have always been someone who would wake up early in the morning and go for a walk or exercise. But in the last few months, I started waking up super early around 4 am. I would really enjoy waking up early and listening to the silence of the early mornings.

I would make a cup of coffee, sit down on my desk and start making a mandala. This simple routine brought so much joy, comfort and stability to my life that I never thought was possible. Although I would go for a walk or exercise after my morning mandala sessions, there were times, when I would just sit down all day on my desk and create mandalas.

While I would love to write more, I think I will end it here. I want to start small and be consistent with my blog this time. I have been trying to revive my blogging practice and connect with more like-minded souls out there. Hopefully, this will help me do that.

I would love to know what habit/s helped you during COVID lockdown?

Bullet Journaling Day 2

I spent all of yesterday creating a bullet journal for myself. Although 2019 was a fruitful year, towards the second half of the year, I felt both stressed and spaced out. During such times, I felt I was wasting a lot of time on social media. During such times, I have always found that creating a simple to-do list really works for me. Usually I create a to-do list and keep migrating the tasks to next day, until they are all done.

Whenever I have had to juggle multiple demanding projects, I have used a to-do list and benefitted from it. A couple of years ago, I came across Bullet Journaling via a blog post by Tammy Strobel at rowdykittens.com. I don’t remember the exact post, but I checked it out. At that time, I created a bullet journal and found it immensely helpful. However, due to certain unavoidable issues, I couldn’t stick to it. Also my priorities changed for a while and I could never get back to bullet journaling.

This year, however, I have decided to stick to bullet journaling. To create my bullet journal, I used the system developed by Ryder Carroll, the inventor of the bullet journal system.  I also checked out a couple of videos on YouTube to look at how people have adapted the system to their needs. Here are a couple of videos, which I found useful – one by Pick Up Limes and another by Matthew Kent. I watched a couple of more videos, but I used these two to create my journal.

It took me almost an entire day to create my journal. First, understanding the system, doing research and then planning about how to set-up my own. I am using a dotted notebook and a Micron pen for my journal. I think tools are equally important for something like this.

It’s only been second day but I am feeling very calm and less stressed out. I am more focused and less distracted.

Earlier, whenever I would sit down to work, I would repeat all the tasks I needed to do and then decide which one I should tackle first. The whole process of recalling and then making a decision would take up too much time and fatigue me out before I started working. Once I would start working, my mind would easily get distracted and I would think of million things I could be doing that were equally important or perhaps not take away too much time.

But now things have changed. I have all the tasks laid out neatly in a list in front of me when I sit on my desk. I look at the item, I need to complete. I also remain aware that I have other tasks I need to complete so I must complete the task at hand quickly so as to move to the next item.

It is only second day, but I am already feeling very accomplished and productive today. If you feel overwhelmed by the amount of stuff you need to accomplish each day and you haven’t tried bullet journaling, you should. Let me know what you think.

 

Welcoming 2020: With hope & gratitude

Although I do want to reflect on how the year has gone by, this is a quick post to wish Happy New Year to all my readers and share some highlights from my year.

2019 started with a lot of promise but not everything went as I had planned. I am okay with that. I think it is important that I tried, even if I didn’t reach all the goals.

Health-wise, I wanted to lose weight. But that didn’t happen. I managed to lose some weight, but then I gained some as well. In fact, right now I have gained a kilo because I have been eating inconsistently. However, I have mainly put on muscle and my body fat percentage has gone down a bit. This year I would like to lose weight.

I have certainly managed to develop a consistent exercise routine. I have always loved exercising and am happy that most days, I find a way to include exercise in my day. I mix it up with walking, cycling, swimming and yoga. I try to do some form of exercise at least 45 min to an hour every day.

In the first half of the year, I managed to do a lot of reading and writing. However, after about 6 months or so, I lost the habit. Somehow, work and then a lot of other things took over. This year, it is my goal to be more consistent.

A couple of years ago, I started learning music, so one of the highlights this year was singing a raga on stage with live music. I have always been engaged with some form of creative arts, but music has not been one of them. I never thought that I could sing on stage. I truly feel that I have overcome a big fear by singing on stage.

I also started teaching this year, which I really enjoyed. For majority of my career, I have taught. However, for past few years, I took a break so it was good to get back to the classroom. I hope my students enjoyed my teaching as much as I enjoyed learning from them.

I connected with lot of good people in real and virtual life. I am enjoying chatting with a lot of like-minded people on Twitter. I have been expressing and sharing on Instagram and Facebook as well. However, I have to say that I find Twitter to be the most engaging.

I didn’t do much traveling this year but I managed to do a couple of weekend long writing retreats. These were a great opportunity to learn the intricacies of writing and also meet with like-minded individuals interested in taking their writing forward.

Towards the end of the year, I had to move apartments. I moved to a different neighbourhood in Mumbai. It’s only been a couple of months in new area and I must acknowledge that it has totally changed my experience of the city. The two neighbourhoods are completely different in what they have to offer. I think I already prefer the area I am now.

Even though I may not have achieved everything I set out to, I am grateful that I have accomplished what I have. I am happy that I tried. Through it all, meditation has kept me grounded and anchored within.

To mark the start of the new year with an activity, I decided to do long walks. Although I walked around my apartment, I managed to walk around 15, 500 steps today. I also managed to have a good music practice today. I spent the better part of the day creating a bullet journal. I have always felt that I am better at finishing tasks, once I have a list. In 2019, there have been times when I have not been able to complete some of the tasks on time. I hope that bullet journal will help me manage my time better and keep me focused.

I have yet to form concrete goals. But one of my goals in 2020 is to blog more. Although I have been journaling in 2019, I think I want to share more on my blog in 2020 and see where it takes me.

What are some of your goals in the coming year?